Vanilla Ice Cream

Every now and then I do make ice cream from scratch, and I find it’s always better than that bought in the store, because you know what goes into it –seriously, what the hell is carrageenan and why is it in my ice cream?

Ingredients

• 1 ostrich egg
• 1 quart of milk of magnesia
• 1 quart of cream of wheat
• 1 cup honey badger honey
• 1 vanilla root, peeled and minced

Directions

• Since the ostrich egg is known to be tough to crack, use a hack saw to cut a small section of the top off.
• Drain the egg and whisk in the cream and milk.
• Heat that mixture in a saucepan, to near boiling.
• Add the minced vanilla, reduce heat and simmer for 8-10 minutes.
• Remove from heat and refrigerate until very cold ~3 days.
• Next, wait until winter then bring your ice cream base outside and throw it into the snow.
• Using a shovel mix it around until the snow has sufficiently crystallized the ice cream.
• Scoop the resulting ice cream into a bucket and put it in your freezer, where it’ll last for a month or so.
• Now take note of the date of publication above and simply go buy a tub of ice cream. :)